Baptism, School, and Internal Monologues

Song of the Day: "This Is The End (If You Want It)" by Relient K
Accessory of Awesome: my non smoke smokers cough
Word of the Day: free

I believe I live a rather complicated, interesting life. I used to think it was painful and awful. I used to hate my life. But now I kind of look at all the things that have happened and I laugh. But, I am a lot more optimistic than I used to be.

I asked my church if they would allow me to be baptized in church today. It was rather nerve wracking, standing in front of all of them again. You see, I was baptized before. It was several years ago. I had everyone under the impression that I was saved. I had myself under that impression. But I hadn't been saved yet.

Sometimes I wonder how I fooled that many people. Sometimes I wonder why people never noticed. How could they not notice me? Did they not see how much pain I was in?

A bigger question is, if they did see how much pain I was in... Why didn't they help me? Why didn't they come to me and tell me they were there for me and offer to help me out of the abyss I had sunken into?

Maybe I'm just a convincing liar. I don't know. I know it's not their responsibility to take care of me. It never was their responsibility. It's my own responsibility. And, knowing myself rather well, I know I wouldn't have cared about what anyone had said.

It's not really important, whether or not people made time for me. But it keeps me awake at night sometimes. I try my hardest to be there for my friends, no matter what. I want them to know that I'll be there for them, no matter what sort of trouble their in. I may not be able to empathize with them, but I can most certainly sympathize with them. That's just how I'm built. My friends come before me, no matter what.

But anyways, I was terrified to stand in front of my church and ask to be baptized, especially since some of them had been there the first time I was baptized. I got saved in December 2011, only a few months ago. It hasn't even been a year yet. People thought I had been saved since I was four.

I guess that's just how life works sometimes though.

C'est la vie...

Aside from all that, I'm working hard on coming with ideas for writing. I'm sick and tired of not being able to write anything.

For those of you who don't know, I write books. Or try to anyway. I haven't had a decent idea since February. I'm trying to come up with something that I can post on my other blog (found at writingisoxygen.blogspot.com)

That blog is currently set up for my super hero series...that I never started. I'm awesome.

School starts up again soon! Life in my junior year better be crazy. But what else would it be? I do go to a crazy, strange school with crazy, strange students. (I'd say I have crazy, strange teachers but they'd probably get offended...)

Are ya'll ready for school? Don't worry too much about it. The world ends in December anyway, right? It is 2012.

Have an excellent week! I'll update again soon!

Christina